20 Jokes About Matt Gaetz Getting Wine Thrown at Him

There's a Writer's Strike and I am bored.

Here is a real news story:

A woman was arrested for throwing a drink at Florida congressman Matt Gaetz at a wine festival:

1. This is disgusting. After all the time and money Matt Gaetz has donated to underage prostitutes in Miami?

2. Gaetz was mostly upset because it was red wine when we all know he prefers a nice German white.

3. I haven’t seen Matt Gaetz this upset since he found out Venmo transactions are public.

4. Agree or disagree with his politics, it’s dangerous to throw wine at someone with that much botox in his forehead.

5. This is not cool, people. If you want to upset Matt Gaetz, you gotta do it the old-fashioned way: by being Hispanic.

6. You threw wine at him? This man is single-handedly providing lunch money for dozens of teenage girls throughout Florida, and you’re throwing wine at him?

7. Matt Getz said in a statement, “This kind of behavior is unacceptable.” A friend who was with Gaetz at the festival added, “The Holocaust isn’t real.”

8. What a disappointing wine festival for Matt Getz. And after all the work he did getting a fake ID for his date.

9. I’m worried for this woman in prison. There are some real sickos in there, like Matt Gaetz’s best friend who pleaded guilty to six federal crimes including paying an underage girl to have sex with Matt Gaetz.

10. I’m sure Matt Gaetz’s wife was very relieved to find out her husband was both okay, and also not hanging out in a high school parking lot.

11. Matt Gaetz is set to deliver a major address about the corrosion of civility in American politics just as soon as his speechwriter returns from HitlerCon.

12. Gaetz wasn’t even go to the wine tasting festival but then a friend told him he’d be able to try some 17-year-old Whites.

13. Gaetz thanked prosecutors for “vigorously enforcing all but a few Florida laws.”

14. News reports indicate Gaetz was at this event with his wife, which is a really tough way for his girlfriends to find out he’s married.

15. A drunk woman threw a drink at Matt Gaetz, which is a crime in Florida if it doesn’t occur at a Margaritaville.

16. Seriously, it’s illegal in Florida to throw a drink at someone? That’s like Florida’s state sport. If I go to a TGI Friday’s in Florida and I don’t see a drink thrown, I’ll give it one star on Yelp. That is not a good Florida TGI Fridays.

17. You know Gaetz was most angry that the woman who threw wine at him was 41 years old. He must have been like, “Hey lady, the only women who are allowed to get me wet were born 2005 or later.”

18. I’ve heard of the Met Gala, but the Wet Gala? I’m talking about Matt Gaetz after he got wine thrown at him

19. Gaetz’s colleagues are stepping up though. Marjorie Taylor Greene has already offered to step in if he needs to give any speeches where he compares Dr. Fauci to Pol Pot.

20. But I’m glad Matt Gaetz is doing okay and also that he found gonorrhea medicine that doesn’t have negative interactions with alcohol.

Okay, that’s enough! If you enjoyed these jokes, please consider a free or paid subscription to this very stupid newsletter! I really appreciate the support.