The Liberal Media is at it again. They are trying to smear Clarence Thomas, for the supposed “crime” of being a good friend and father.
But these smears won’t work. Clarence Thomas is a great man.
And I know this, because I am currently sitting in a hot tub with him on a GOP mega-donor’s yacht.
Clarence Thomas is a lot of things: a brilliant jurist; a devoted friend; a fellow traveler on this luxury Caribbean vacation that neither of us are paying for.
But he is not a criminal.
As I gaze into the smiling face of Clarence Thomas, and the smiling faces of the Republican lobbyists sitting with us in this hot tub, I get angry.
And you know why?
Because as I’ve gotten to know Clarence Thomas over two decades of international travel covertly funded by a Theocratic billionaire, I’ve gotten to know his true integrity.
You can’t bribe this man. Trust me, over the years I’ve seen literally dozens of anti-Abortion operatives aboard this yacht try it. It didn’t work.
No, Clarence Thomas is a true patriot. Did you know that when they raise the American flag on this boat, Justice Thomas will stop to say the Pledge of Allegiance— no matter which upcoming court case he’s discussing?
Does Clarence Thomas have his flaws? Sure.
Does he have a taste for the finer things in life? Yeah.
Does he occasionally get testy when some lawmaker in the Wine Cave is blabbing on and on about how he needs to outlaw gay marriage? Absolutely, we all would.
But Clarence Thomas is not corrupt, and there is nothing weird or wrong about one of your friends paying for your vacations, your private jets to conference, a watercolor portrait, your mother’s house, your mother’s neighbor’s houses, a vacant lot near your mother, and also your adopted son’s private school tuition, all without revealing it as required by law.
That’s normal. It’s the Liberals complaining about it that’s weird.
Also it’s not weird to have a wing in your house dedicated to Hitler stuff.
This smear campaign will not work. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go do jet ski stuff with Clarence Thomas and a guy suing to end affirmative action.