Clarence Thomas Doesn't Know How to Use Travelocity
And other observations about the latest scandal
Do you guys think Clarence Thomas knows how to buy a plane ticket?
Based on the new ProPublica expose, I’m thinking the answer is No.
If you are not on Strike and thus do not have time to read a 4000 word story about Clarence Thomas sipping champagne in the Maldives, here is what you missed:
ProPublica uncovered dozens of new luxury vacations that Clarence Thomas took. They were all paid for by various Republican billionaires. Clarence Thomas disclosed none of it.
The story has me wondering: When was the last time Clarence Thomas flew commercial?
Clarence Thomas has a singular position to shape society in America. Does he know the difference between Basic Economy and Main Cabin?
Has he ever suffered the indignity of boarding in Group F?
I would like my Supreme Court justices to fly United once a year. All of these cases where the Court sides with mega-corporations might have gone differently if Clarence Thomas had ever sat through a two-hour delay on a tarmac.
That is not what Clarence Thomas is doing between terms. Look at what this guy is up to when he is not ruling that Palantir has more rights than a pregnant woman:
At least 38 destination vacations, including a previously unreported voyage on a yacht around the Bahamas; 26 private jet flights, plus an additional eight by helicopter; a dozen VIP passes to professional and college sporting events, typically perched in the skybox; two stays at luxury resorts in Florida and Jamaica; and one standing invitation to an uber-exclusive golf club overlooking the Atlantic coast.
Clarence Thomas travels like a TikTok influencer. He is the first SCOTUS justice whose Instagrams would need the #spon tag.
You can almost imagine him sitting in front of a pool, speaking in the TikTok voiceover: “Hey guys, so, thanks to Harlan Crow I got to experience the INCREDIBLE Ritz Carlton-Dubai, get ready with me as I check out everything it has to offer.”
38 luxury vacations! And those are just the ones we know about. Who has the time? Who has the energy? Can I have some of his Hyatt points?
It is crazy to think that America has a Supreme Court justice who is ALSO that one Instagram friend who always seems to be in Europe.
You are scrolling through his Stories and seeing the endless Aperol Spritzes and wondering how the hell he can afford to constantly be in Lake Como.
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Personally, I’ve been learning a lot from these ProPublica articles. For instance:
There are so, so many five-star resorts around the world I have never heard of. All the sentences in these articles are like:
“Thomas and his wife traveled via superyacht from Miami to the secret Caribbean country of Malomba, where David Koch has a castle.”
“Clarence Thomas hunted unicorns in Oregon with the petroleum billionaire Jonathan Citizens-United. They stayed in a chalet that can only be accessed via time travel.”
Clarence Thomas should disclose these trips if only so that the rest of us can learn about these opulent vacation spots.
If Clarence Thomas gets impeached he should start a Travel + Leisure magazine. There are very few travel writers who have experienced the range and breadth of luxury travel that Clarence Thomas has.
Clarence Thomas could review hotels for Monocle.
I would much rather read that than another one of his opinions where he complains that poor people don’t work hard enough.
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I love all the sources on these articles, too. Every assertion is sourced like "according to a helicopter pilot who flew guests from the private island to the secret mountain lair."
These ProPublica articles are impressive feats of journalism. Even if you don’t agree that these trips represent a scandal, you have to admit it’s awesome that these reporters tracked down a waitress who did bottle service for Clarence Thomas in 2003. These guys would make great bounty hunters.
AI could not write this article.
But it could write the stupid rebuttals:
One of the truly great moments of this particular article involved this tweet. Mark Paoletta is a Republican power-player and friend of Clarence Thomas.
Every time we learn about a new bribery vacation that Clarence Thomas took, Paoletta writes a tweet like this, calling the story a nothingburger.
Except this time, the ProPublica article in question contained one of the most humiliating images I’ve ever seen:
Good Lord, dude.
I would rather ProPublica publish my nudes. I would rather ProPublica put my credit card information at the top of its site.
I know it’s 2023 and we are not supposed to kink-shame. But this is the kind of shit Ron DeSantis should be banning from public schools.
I do not want my children knowing people like this exist.
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Is anything going to happen to Clarence Thomas? Probably not.
One common theme of the last 8 years is Republicans loudly and obnoxiously pretending that obviously unethical behavior is normal.
Donald Trump gets to operate a hotel next to the White House, Roy Moore gets to run for Senate as an obvious pervert, Clarence Thomas vacations with billionaires who clearly want him to rule certain ways that benefit them and validate their worldviews.
If you point out that any of this seems unethical, you are branded a Marxist crybaby who is bitter about the 2016 election.
ProPublica could dig up footage in IMAX of Clarence Thomas asking Harlan Crow how he should rule on an upcoming case and you would get maybe 3 Republicans voting to impeach. Hell, I’m not even sure you’d get Kyrsten Sinema.
Clarence Thomas, you will never have to learn how to use Travelocity. But next time you are feasting on Serrano ham off the Amalfi Coast…spare a thought for us plebes in Group F, will you, old friend?