Where is Donald Trump? Have his politics changed? Does he…still exist?
These are the questions I’m asking myself this disorienting morning. It has been 36 hours since Donald Trump appeared live on CNN, and now I have no idea what he is up to or whether Republicans still support him.
Can anyone help me? Has Donald Trump quit politics to raise emus upstate or what is going on here???
You see, like millions of Americans, the only way I am able to process information about Donald Trump is to watch him live on TV, talking uninterrupted into a microphone.
If he is not doing that, I have absolutely no way of knowing whether he is still on the planet, much less what he thinks about immigrants.
I stayed up all night scouring the internet for references of Donald Trump: Nothing.
What is going on? Was he abducted by Aliens? Deep State??? Wolf Blitzer??!?!
I have written letters to Anderson Cooper, Jake Tapper, and Fareed Zakaria, begging them for any scraps of information about whether Donald Trump is still an Ultra-Right-wing demagogue. No response.
I am so desperate I even DMed Don Lemon. Is Donald Trump somewhere WITH Don Lemon? Neither of them are live on my CNN anymore, and I am starting to worry. Did they careen over a cliff in a convertible, Thelma and Louise-style? Someone send out a rescue helicopter!!!
I am sitting in my den. My face is 4 inches away from my flat-screen television. I am waiting for Donald Trump to return to CNN, LIVE, to berate one of his sexual assault victims, just so that I know he is still relevant in U.S. politics.
CHRIS LICHT, a BEWILDERED nation is begging you to act!!! I’m in a freaking ideological silo over here!!
Please join me in praying for CNN to return Donald Trump live to its airwaves in front of a rowdy and sympathetic audience FAST.
There is no other way I can possibly learn what his views are. PLEASE, CNN. I am very scared, very confused, and very stupid.