Hey everyone, X spokesperson Heinrich Lebensraum here.
This is just a quick statement to the press to reiterate that our Owner, CTO, and Ubermensch Elon Musk absolutely adores Jewish people.
Elon can’t stop talking about Judaism. Just the other day I saw him pacing in his office, muttering about “the Jews.”
Would an anti-Semite spend so much time thinking about Jewish organizations and the impact they are having on his finances? I think not.
That is why it was necessary for Elon to spend the last few days publicly griping about the Anti-Defamation League, accusing the ADL of conspiring against him, and liking posts by a notable White supremacist who once called himself a “raging anti-Semite.”
Sometimes the bigots that Elon exclusively follows on social media make a salient point about the religions they hate — and he’s gotta give them their props.
Here’s an image of a dreidel!
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We welcome all religions on Twitter — oops, I mean X.
As a Jew would say: Oy voy!
You should feel comfortable posting on X if you are a Jew — either the good kind and the disobedient kind.
And you should also feel comfortable posting on X no matter your politics — whether you’re a Nazi, a neo-Nazi, or a third kind of Nazi we don’t yet know about.
X is a Town Square — but it is also a Town Star of David. It’s also a Town Swastika. It is a town that can be many shapes, some of them with horrifically violent histories.
But don’t worry! Elon Musk respects Jews and their wiles. How deep is his passion for Judaism? Whenever Elon thinks about Jewish people he turns the color of pastrami. He is not emboldening anyone!
And now I have to apologize, but I do not know how to delete the following quote by Daily Stormer founder Andrew Anglin cheering on Elon’s fight against the “Jewish agenda”:
Please pretend you did not read that. L’chaim!
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I’d like to conclude by thanking a few people.
Thank you to X’s remaining large advertisers — Apple, Samsung, Amazon, MLB — for sticking with us in Elon’s fight for free speech and against the reprehensible Jewish conspiracy.
Thank you to all the verified blue-check accounts who have posted in support of Elon this week. You might be banned on other social networks for your views on interracial marriage, but you are always welcome on X.
Thank you to Mel Gibson. You know why.
Thank you to the journalists who continue to parrot the line that Elon Musk is a “free-speech absolutist,” despite a year of nonstop evidence to the contrary. They don’t give out Pulitzers for Both Sides-ing it, but if they did, you’d need to clear out space in your trophy case.
And finally: Thank you to the Jews who remain on X. I know it is tempting to flee a place where the owner is openly flirting with neo-Nazis, but your refusal to abandon the S.S. Twitter — thus giving it continued relevance — is truly appreciated.
You may think Elon does not notice you, but don’t worry; he is keeping a list.
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