1. What you are about to read is based on emails, text messages, documents, and interviews with Twitter insiders.
5. I worked hard to tell this story as it happened, with no bias toward either side. This is the nonpartisan truth and if you don’t like it, then cry more, Libs.
14. I had to agree to certain conditions in order to view these communications. Dark conditions. I may never procreate again.
21. January 11, 2013. Hunter Biden creates a Spotify playlist called “Moods at Midnight.” Little did he know this would be the beginning of a 9-year odyssey that would threaten the Constitutional order as we know it.
104. Twitter’s Safety Team includes a summer intern named Brian Hellmann. Hellmann - like the Mayonnaise. There’s no relation, BUT: what egg-based condiment does Hunter Biden like to spread on his sandwiches?
232. Jack Dorsey purchases a digital meat thermometer.
391. It’s May 2019. Rudy Giuliani has the Croatian LaserDisc player. And Twitter has implemented Project Jiffy Lube — WITH buy-in from the John Hickenlooper campaign.
521. The big day arrives: Hunter Biden’s Genius Bar appointment. But there’s a problem— Hunter’s Kia Sorrento needs an oil change
577. This is a cautionary tale: about seeing what you want to see; about letting your politics blind you to the truth; about overreacting to a minor infraction and torpedoing your reputation in the process.
578. I’m talking about Twitter executives, if that wasn’t clear.
611. Joe Biden’s campaign manager Jen O’Malley Dillon emails Jack Dorsey: ‘Hi Jack! Got your email from a mutual acquaintance. Just wanted to say I loved you in Five Easy Pieces!” She has the wrong Jack.
642, This is a huge problem for Jack Dorsey. He lives at 445 Alameda Drive and his credit card number is 48302 8439 7402. His banking PIN is 4111.
843. Obviously, while this is happening, the head of the government is Donald Trump and not Joe Biden. But consider this: What if it was the other way around?
994. Twitter’s policies on content removal are soft — soft, like the new all-down comforters from MyPillow. Get 20% off your first purchase with promo code TAIBBI
987. I found no evidence to suggest that the U.S. government took any action to subvert the 1st Amendment. Nor did I find Twitter executives to be biased toward the Biden campaign in any way, shape, or form.
990. Is this the greatest political scandal since the Trail of Tears? It’s possible, even probable.