Job Posting: New York Times Public Rehabilitation Reporter
Rehabilitate con artists with the Times!
The New York Times is seeking well-qualified, extremely shameless candidates for its rapidly expanding Public Rehabilitation section.
The goal of the NYT Public Rehabilitation section is simple: to write about the nation’s worst individuals as though they were popular actors doing publicity for a Minions movie.
As the Public Rehabilitation reporter, you will be tasked with writing suspiciously glowing profiles of a wide range of con artists and shit-heels — all while insisting an important part of their biography is that they “love margaritas.”
The NYT Public Rehabilitation Desk was started in 1999 with our landmark article “The Unabomber Is Sorry About All That.” Now we’re looking for a promising reporter to play pickleball with Martin Shkreli or hit up Dunkin’ Donuts with Vladimir Putin’s poison guy.
We want you to dive deep in your quest to rehabilitate these people. What fruit snacks do they like? Do they have adorable children? What would a fawning public profile mean for your subject’s victims? Who’s their favorite Santa’s reindeer?
Basic Qualifications
6 years in journalism or 2 years in PR for an opioid manufacturer
Rooted for the military guys in “Avatar”
Has given out their banking information to at least 4 scammers pretending to be the IRS
Must be able to adhere to the New York Times’ rigid editorial standards (or not, it doesn’t matter)
Head trauma is a plus but not required
Could you see yourself grabbing coffee with IT the Clown and discussing how he likes to unwind on Sundays?
If so, please send a cover letter, resume, and three (3) ideas for how you might write a fun article about what Harvey Weinstein’s been up to to the link below. Thanks and good luck!