The latest Trump indictment is so funny
The Insurrection was scary but the guys behind it were bozos
God, this last Trump indictment is funny.
It is a great reminder that in his final days in office Trump was talking to a bunch of lawyers with 30 Rock names whose legal advice was always like “the President is allowed to drone strike Nancy Pelosi”
Obviously there was nothing funny about the Insurrection.
It was evil, cynical, fascistic.
But also, one of the lawyers behind it was named “Kenneth Chesebro.”
Sorry, but this is not the name of a man who can overthrow democracy. This is the name of a dairy farmer on Spongebob.
Incredibly, we first learned about Kenneth Chesebro because of an election scheme in — are you ready for this? — WISCONSIN.
Sorry, but I’ve had enough of Chesebros from Wisconsin who are up to no good.
*
None of these lunatics are named in the indictment, by the way. They are all listed as “Unindicted Co-conspirators.”
Everyone knows who they are, but the indictment repeatedly calls them “Unindicted Co-Conspirator 1/2/3/etc.”
This is one of the funniest things the legal profession has ever done. I am going to start using it in my daily life.
ME (staring directly at my wife): Well, not naming names, but it looks like an Unindicted Co-conspirator left a bunch of dirty dishes in the sink again
*
One of the Unindicted Co-Conspirators is a lawyer named John Eastman. He tried to stop the certification of the election even though some of his fraud allegations were lies — a fact he admitted in an email like a bozo.
He will probably be spending his last good years in jail. Anyway, here’s a reminder of what he wore to the Insurrection:
He looks like a 1940s detective who’s on his way to a Prince concert.
You are not going to overturn the world’s most famous democracy in a paisley scarf. You look like a sex tourist who wandered onto a Hitchcock movie.
*
And what about Rudy Giuliani aka Unindicted Co-Conspirator Number 1?
Well, the Indictment makes clear that, yes, he is very responsible for the events of January 6th.
It also makes clear that he was leaving a lot of voicemails with instructions for how to steal the election — and that he called the wrong person TWICE.
Wow, pretty embarrassing, right? “Intended for a United States Senator” but he dialed the wrong number?
SOMEHOW HE DID IT TWICE:
I hate it when I’m committing treason and I have the wrong number.
I like to imagine this is a situation where this U.S. Senator got a new number, and their old number was given to, like, a teenager in Oregon who just got their first iPhone.
And the teen had to go to the Genius Bar and be like, ‘Uh, I keep getting voicemails from Rudy Giuliani about how we can Stop the Steal? Any way you can stop that?’
*
Trump was surrounded by loonies with bad haircuts giving him the idiotic legal advice.
These lanyard-wearing nerds were bloodthirsty. They wanted to see tanks rolling through Times Square. They saw a couple convenience stores get smashed up during the Black Lives Matter protests and turned into Idi Amin.
It’s hard to laugh at that.
Until you remember this photo.
I do agree with Trump on one thing.
On whatever lame Right-wing incel social network he posts on, Trump wondered why these charges were coming two and a half years after January 6th.
Great question! He should have been charged on January 7th.
The entire country watched a murder on live television and then spent the next 1000 days bickering over whether murder is illegal.
Anyway, now we get to continue bickering about it, except at least the murderer has been charged?
Maybe when the trial starts all the Unindicted Co-conspirators can get matching paisley scarves? If you’re gonna spend your twilight years in prison you might as well look fantastic at your trial.