Here’s some Republican reaction to this week’s Trump verdict:
The case and the jury were both “a joke,” Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) said, and Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-Okla.) said he believes it is “very difficult” for Trump to get a fair trial “in any of these liberal states.”
This is what the jurors in E. Jean Carroll’s Trump sexual abuse trial look like, in the massive brains of Republican Senators:
Juror 1: I am a surgeon at Mount Sinai West, performing sex change surgeries on M&Ms. In 2020 I voted for Joe Biden 7,000 times in Georgia.
Juror 2: I work for the city of New York forcibly removing gas stoves from people’s apartments. I voted to convict Trump because I want to impose Socialism on Texas.
Juror 3: My name is Brian Antifa, and I am the founder of Antifa.
Juror 4: I am Deep State. I was placed on the jury by James Comey in order to get revenge on Trump for draining the swamp.
Juror 5: I did not pay attention to the trial at all. I had my Airpods in and I was listening to Bernie Sanders read the audiobook of the Communist Manifesto.
Juror 6: I am a Migrant Caravan of 20,000 Hondurans. For convicting Donald Trump George Soros paid us $100K each. We all love playing the Knockout Game.
Juror 7: I would describe myself as “politically moderate.” I destroyed the entire city of Milwaukee with Molotov cocktails in 2020.
Juror 8: I am a former First Lady who ran for President in 2016 whose name rhymes with “Billary Shminton.”
Juror 9: I am a transgender can of Bud Light.
Juror 10: I am a Ouija board who is being used to call back to Earth the spirit of Senator John McCain. The person operating me is Bette Midler.
Juror 11: I am a New York City police officer from Staten Island. Just kidding I’m a nonbinary tofu hot dog.
Juror 12: I am the guy who invented Cancel Culture. This is my greatest feat of Canceling ever. After we are done with Donald Trump, we are going to go after everyday Americans — because if we can do this to Donald Trump, we can do this to you, too. I have purple hair.
Alternate Juror: I am Melania.
Hilarious!